The Mystery Man

Why did you read this blog? Did you think I was going to unveil my Mystery Man? Well, you're right. You nosey little reader.

I met Him a little over six years ago now, I was young and really messed up. I had agreed to go to a weekend getaway with a couple people I barely knew, there were a lot of people talking about it and so I jumped on board, I was desperate enough in my broken life to try a weekend getaway with strangers.  I had a boyfriend at the time, he rolled up my sleeping bag (since we would truly be roughing it), gave me a smooch and told me he'd see me when I got back. Little did I know...

It was like He met me at the door, that Mystery Man. We spent the whole weekend rubbing elbows and dancing around my broken heart. It wasn't until Saturday night that it was official, I was leaving it all and following Him. You see, I listened to a friend of His talk about Him, and it was like the light in my dark little room got flipped on, I saw clearly; and even though my dark little room was full of dark little things I was so undone by Love. I knew this Mystery Man would repair the repairable, and wash away the stains. I knew all of His life He had me set before His eyes. I was His reason.

Have you ever felt utterly loved? If you haven't let me tell you. It is powerful. In that moment of utter love, it's the only food you need to eat, it's the only air required to breathe. That's it. You've won life in that moment of rapture. Often, you spend the rest of your life wounded with love and going after the One who's done it (which is exactly what I've done).

I have followed Jesus ever since that day (there you have it...He's my Mystery Man). Last night I sat in the back of the prayer room and while the worship filled the room, my heart was full of gratitude for the cross of Christ. The girl sang "You so loved the world that You came down..."and I remembered again that giant, incalculable, wonderful heart of God and His plan for humanity. Then as I wondered at His cross and His love, I began to think about the very Mystery that is Christ. He is the Mystery of God. From the first bite of sin God promised man that He will bring man's wandering heart back to Himself. Throughout the Law, the Psalms, and the Prophets, He hints (often quite loudly) at His glorious Plan. But none of us would have guessed it looked like a baby lying in a manger. Who would have supposed it looked like a carpenter serving His family for 30 years in obscurity? Who would have even sort of thought it looked like a cross beam? That God would die for the disobedient ones?

Is His heart that big? 

His love that real? 

Is His justice so thorough? 

His mercy so great?

Have you been brought into the Mystery of God? Has His Secret been revealed to your heart? If you know Jesus is the Son of God. If you know that He "so loved the world that He came down". If you believe in his death on the cross, His complete (body, soul, spirit) resurrection three days later, His ascension to the right hand of the Father, and His soon and imminent return. Then you have been given the Mystery of God. (If your not already pausing here, please do so now and breathe that in.)

This undoes my little heart! I can't contain it. He let me know about His Son, He breathed life on His Gospel as it fell upon my heart. And now here I sit, full of gratitude and wonder; astonished that I've been told, confident of His ability to do the same for others. Oh Lord use me as a conduit of Your precious Mystery! 

His cross woos this heart and assures it of love, and the fact that He has unfolded His Mystery to me makes my insides dance around like crazy. Like every part of me is weeping, and laughing, and singing. Yet all that I can do is softly whisper, "Thank you" over and over again.

"...that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge." Colossians 2:2

Beauty

In the beginning of this blog, my initial purpose was to write for no one but myself. I needed a place to write down the many thoughts and emotions I had in losing my Dad. While I did buy a new journal, that was almost too painful, a blog was a little easier to write down my thoughts at the time. I named it Simply because though my heart was in the most pain it had ever encountered I was at the same time experiencing beauty in the little things. I wanted to write about and process the pain, but I wanted to remember the beauty.

It's crazy how the little things become so precious in the midst of a crumbling life. I would look at my family and think to myself, "Remember how they just smiled" or "Don't forget that laugh." I began to cherish deeper my little Montana town. Night after night I would sit on my Dad's front porch, I would cry, and feel, and breathe. My brother would come out and sit with me and we would do it again together. I would write, and sing, and pray. Even though I've lost that front porch forever, it has held memories since I was a baby, and has become even more dear to me now. Just the other day as I was praying I found myself trailing off to that front porch in the dusk, I sat there and breathed deeply the mountain air, and stared up into that big purple sky, and longed for the mountains, the simplicity found there.

Beauty is everywhere, we are utterly surrounded by it. I work for an anti-trafficking organization and am astounded at the darkness that covers the earth every day, you don't have to convince me for a second of the evil that is out there, I believe you. Still, there is beauty, I know there is, and it's not to far off. It's in the simple things each day: the conversations, the faces, the things you're so used to that you forget their very existence. What are those little things in life that make your heart come alive? Is it the smell of rain before you feel a drop? Is it the bright eyes on a tiny messy face? Is it boots walking over the kitchen floor to greet you after long days work? Is it a walk you take each morning, or listening to a symphony? Is it an open field or a bright clear sky? Is it fall, or winter, or spring?

The Bible reminds us in the book of Isaiah that what we now live in and all of it's beauty will fade away, the lasting source of our current and everlasting life is the Word of God. What does this tell me then? That the earth will be rolled up like a garment and dismissed into nothingness? That the physical and temporary beautiful things I'm around today shouldn't be enjoyed or embraced? No, quite the opposite. The passing beauty we encounter every day is not the end in and of itself, but they are gifts...doors even. We have been given eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand. Where was beauty born, and where does it find it's source? Beauty begets beauty, it cannot produce anything else.

Still, I have this little tension in my heart thinking perhaps we first need God to recognize beauty, but then I think, well, maybe some of us need beauty to recognize God. Romans 1:19-20 tells us that God has made Himself known in creation, and that those who suppress the reality of God will stand without excuse because His creation has made Him plainly known. The mountains, the oceans, the trees, the sky, all those things that take my breath away tell me of Something greater.

I realize I'm not leaving you with many conclusions, perhaps mostly questions (welcome to my world) but that is kind of the point. Beauty is a process, instantaneous yet ever unfolding. In this world we rush around sunsets, and family, and small things that would and could usher us into such wonder and joy but that's just it...we rush. We forget to look up, we forget to look out and be amazed. We let bitterness and anxiety push out gratitude and wonder, and by the end of the day nothing looks beautiful...nothing. But I have a hunger in my heart to take in the big picture, to stand back as best as I can in the midst of pain, or the mundane, or a hectic life and behold beautiful things. These little moments of transcendence that tell me again "look up...I am but a shadow, a hint of the Source of beautiful things..."

I encourage you to do the same, baby steps, one heart movement of gratitude at a time, until you become more and more alive to the small facets of eternity all around you.

Here is to beholding beautiful things and Beauty Himself!

Ashley