Beauty

In the beginning of this blog, my initial purpose was to write for no one but myself. I needed a place to write down the many thoughts and emotions I had in losing my Dad. While I did buy a new journal, that was almost too painful, a blog was a little easier to write down my thoughts at the time. I named it Simply because though my heart was in the most pain it had ever encountered I was at the same time experiencing beauty in the little things. I wanted to write about and process the pain, but I wanted to remember the beauty.

It's crazy how the little things become so precious in the midst of a crumbling life. I would look at my family and think to myself, "Remember how they just smiled" or "Don't forget that laugh." I began to cherish deeper my little Montana town. Night after night I would sit on my Dad's front porch, I would cry, and feel, and breathe. My brother would come out and sit with me and we would do it again together. I would write, and sing, and pray. Even though I've lost that front porch forever, it has held memories since I was a baby, and has become even more dear to me now. Just the other day as I was praying I found myself trailing off to that front porch in the dusk, I sat there and breathed deeply the mountain air, and stared up into that big purple sky, and longed for the mountains, the simplicity found there.

Beauty is everywhere, we are utterly surrounded by it. I work for an anti-trafficking organization and am astounded at the darkness that covers the earth every day, you don't have to convince me for a second of the evil that is out there, I believe you. Still, there is beauty, I know there is, and it's not to far off. It's in the simple things each day: the conversations, the faces, the things you're so used to that you forget their very existence. What are those little things in life that make your heart come alive? Is it the smell of rain before you feel a drop? Is it the bright eyes on a tiny messy face? Is it boots walking over the kitchen floor to greet you after long days work? Is it a walk you take each morning, or listening to a symphony? Is it an open field or a bright clear sky? Is it fall, or winter, or spring?

The Bible reminds us in the book of Isaiah that what we now live in and all of it's beauty will fade away, the lasting source of our current and everlasting life is the Word of God. What does this tell me then? That the earth will be rolled up like a garment and dismissed into nothingness? That the physical and temporary beautiful things I'm around today shouldn't be enjoyed or embraced? No, quite the opposite. The passing beauty we encounter every day is not the end in and of itself, but they are gifts...doors even. We have been given eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart to understand. Where was beauty born, and where does it find it's source? Beauty begets beauty, it cannot produce anything else.

Still, I have this little tension in my heart thinking perhaps we first need God to recognize beauty, but then I think, well, maybe some of us need beauty to recognize God. Romans 1:19-20 tells us that God has made Himself known in creation, and that those who suppress the reality of God will stand without excuse because His creation has made Him plainly known. The mountains, the oceans, the trees, the sky, all those things that take my breath away tell me of Something greater.

I realize I'm not leaving you with many conclusions, perhaps mostly questions (welcome to my world) but that is kind of the point. Beauty is a process, instantaneous yet ever unfolding. In this world we rush around sunsets, and family, and small things that would and could usher us into such wonder and joy but that's just it...we rush. We forget to look up, we forget to look out and be amazed. We let bitterness and anxiety push out gratitude and wonder, and by the end of the day nothing looks beautiful...nothing. But I have a hunger in my heart to take in the big picture, to stand back as best as I can in the midst of pain, or the mundane, or a hectic life and behold beautiful things. These little moments of transcendence that tell me again "look up...I am but a shadow, a hint of the Source of beautiful things..."

I encourage you to do the same, baby steps, one heart movement of gratitude at a time, until you become more and more alive to the small facets of eternity all around you.

Here is to beholding beautiful things and Beauty Himself!

Ashley